Why going with the flow is not going with the Flow
How many times have we heard our friends say that “I’m going with the flow” these days? I have often used that myself when I take things one day at a time, especially during times of illness when you do not have the energy to look far ahead into the future. I have also enjoyed going with the flow at peak health; there is a certain excitement to it, a certain sense of adventure of not knowing what could pop up next. You enjoy living life to the fullest while being in the moment, and Selena Gomez even advocates for it. Now, how much is this kind of going-with-the-flow lifestyle a predictor of well-being in the long term?
Colloquially, flow describes the pursuit of the next pleasurable venture. Psychological or motivational hedonism claims that human behavior is determined by desires to increase pleasure and decrease pain. Being carefree and easygoing isn’t always a bad thing; Big Lebowski does have a certain appeal as a character, but would this character have made an impression on us had he not faced the challenges and pains he faced of mistaken identity seen often in crime novels?
Does going with the flow encourage growth or perseverance? Or does it give you an easy way to opt out of facing challenges and stepping up to the plate? In most cases, based on your life experience, many would argue it’s the latter. Many people use going with the flow to avoid taking responsibility, whether it’s with their work or relationships.
One could be that you’re waiting for life to happen to you rather than taking control of it yourself. It’s also natural to fear challenges. Staying in the comfort zone feels safe, steady, and reliable. But is staying in your comfort zone a good predictor of well-being?
When you are in the flow, your view is short-term, but we all know that if there is one constant in life, it's that it throws lemons at you(Buddha did say life is suffering). Anxiety is caused by a lack of control, organization, and action. It manifests when we imagine the future to be chaotic. Open loops(situations that are not ideal, be it in the present or the imagined future) keep popping up at odd times, preventing you from being present, leading to more anxiety. So, if you want to expand your view into the long-term and get a modicum of control back in your life, you need to look into the future and plan. In chess, a good lesson is that even a bad plan is better than no plan. These open loops constantly tug at you and become a roadblock to being in Flow, so optimal engagement with life will involve some planning.
I will now distinguish between the colloquially used flow and Flow (with a capital F) described by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi. He has an interesting approach to pursuing overall well-being. That approach is to be fully involved with every detail of our lives, whether good or bad, to find happiness, not by looking for it directly. Flow is that elusive state of absorption in a meaningful challenge or a short bond, where your sense of time, place, and self melts away.
The following three components are what’s needed to be in a Flow state:
Mastery: No need to be mastering Quantum mechanics or rocket science to qualify for this, it can be small wins like stacking eminems or pulling off a brave Jenga block move)
Mindfulness: Paying full attention to a single task
Mattering: Knowing that what you are doing is making a difference
It turns out that happiness is the unintended side effect of being fully involved in every aspect of your life, whether good or bad. You won’t find it if you look for it. Ugh, the irony!
He also says with a teasing air that an excellent example of the state of ‘apathy’ is watching television(or Netflix)- a task that neither requires skills nor is challenging.
In psychology, a good life has typically been conceptualized in terms of either hedonic =(best characterized by pleasantness, comfort, safety, and stability; People who say they have a happy life tend to have material and relational wealth) or eudaimonic(best characterized by a life with purpose, meaning, devotion, service, and sacrifice) well-being. This seminal paper proposed that psychological richness is another neglected aspect of what people consider a good life.
A psychologically rich life is best characterized by variety, novelty, and interest. One problem with happy and meaningful lives is that both can become monotonous and repetitive. A person with a steady — perhaps even rewarding — 9-to-5 job, happily married with children, may have a happy and, in many respects, meaningful life, but not necessarily a life rich in diverse experiences. Recent studies show that people dislike the state of boredom so much so that some are even willing to give themselves a painful electric shock rather than sit idly (Westgate & Wilson, 2018). In other words, happy or meaningful life can also be boring. In contrast, psychological richness fulfills the need for complex, varied experiences of the sort that changes people’s view of the world and their place in it.
What does ancient wisdom have to say about well-being? Old or non-modern story arcs were bleak and involved suffering. There was no tale without both order and chaos. Order is the Shire of Tolkien’s hobbits: peaceful, productive, and safely inhabitable, even by the naive. Chaos is the underground kingdom of the dwarves, usurped by Smaug, the treasure-hoarding serpent. Chaos is the deep ocean bottom to which Pinocchio voyaged to rescue his father from Monstro, a whale, and a fire-breathing dragon. Both chaos and order are necessary.
In Indian mythology, there is also a similar theme across both Ramayana and Mahabharata. The protagonists are exiled for many years and have to face turmoil and wage a great war to defeat the enemy in the end.
In summary, chasing only hedonistic happiness does not lead to overall well-being—Chase Flow instead of flow. In Vedic traditions, moksha is a central concept and the utmost aim of human life; the other three aims are dharma (virtuous, proper, moral life), artha (material prosperity, income security, means of life), and kama (pleasure, sensuality, emotional fulfillment).
While moksha is self-transcendence and represents resting in one’s true essence and ultimate reality, it is very difficult to achieve. Flow is within our grasp and worth pursuing by seeking mastery and mindfulness while doing activities that matter to others.
The best predictor of well-being is not optimism. It’s Flow, not flow. So, what’s the one activity that gets you in the Flow?
